When I was in Grade 3, I won first prize in an elocution competition. The topic, ironically enough, was Television.

That win sparked something in me. I didn’t just like speaking; I loved the spotlight. I grew up dreaming of becoming a TV host. I continued to win competitions at district and state levels, not just in English, but in three different languages. I became the go-to Master of Ceremonies for local events. I even auditioned for a local TV channel once. I didn’t take the job because the late hours would have clashed with my studies, but I never regretted the pivot.

I put the microphone down, but I never lost the voice.

The Evolution of a Skill

I am writing this today because I’ve been thinking a lot about Executive Communication. I see LinkedIn posts daily about how clarity and communication are skills that must be mastered. I’ve even committed to writing for 100 days straight to sharpen my own thinking.

Looking back, I realize my childhood hobby was actually early training. I never had stage fright. As my career progressed, that early confidence allowed me to travel the world as an international conference speaker. Later, as a Leadership Fellow at WomenWhoCode, I managed remote communities and hosted endless online events.

It felt natural. A year into that role, I felt like I could organize and host an event in my sleep. The little girl who wanted to be a TV host was technically living her dream, just in a different format.

The Post-COVID Shift

However, as I prepare to speak at the LeadDev Berlin meetup tomorrow, I am noticing a profound shift in myself.

For over five years now, I have worked fully remote. I thrive in online events and Zoom rooms. But post-COVID, something has changed regarding physical spaces. When I am at in-person gatherings now, I tend to withdraw.

It isn’t fear, I can still take the stage without shaking. It is energy.

I used to be the person who gained energy from the crowd. Now, I find myself feeling mentally fatigued by large groups. I don’t know if there is a term for “extrovert turned introvert,” but that is exactly how it feels. I have become effective at communicating to a crowd, but I no longer have the battery to be in the crowd.

Finding Contentment in the Quiet

Perhaps this is just the reality of long-term remote work, or perhaps it is simply growing up. I have realized that being a great speaker and being a social butterfly are two very different things.

I can still command a room, I can still lead, and I can still speak with clarity. But today, I am most content when the event ends, the camera turns off, and I can return to the quiet. And I think that’s okay.